I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
