I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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