woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize