Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
