just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
