Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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