Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize