if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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