shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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