You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
