the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
