i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
