Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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