We're like a lot better than the average bears
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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