she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
