If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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