she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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