WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
you inspire me to be a worse person
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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