Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
