i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
