Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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