Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize