Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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