Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
