Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize