He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
