Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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