You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
