it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The air was thick with penises
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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