Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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