Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
