did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
