I hate all girls vehemently.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
