Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
