We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
