last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
