tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
