It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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