I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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