My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
