i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
