Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
