I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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