closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize