Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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