I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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