i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
