The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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