Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
