did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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