You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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