I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
