I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
