Buhtt sex?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
