So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
