i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
