And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
