The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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