its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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