dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize