remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
