Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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