I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
