i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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