tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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