i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
