He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he was CRYING into my vagina
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
So. Much. Porn.
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