She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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