We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
