So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
