I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
