A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
