Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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